9.18.2014

The Medical Plan Ends

As we came to the decision to not make another NaPro appointment, it was with the understanding that we are leaving options 'on the table' so to speak. Here is where things stand:

Reproductive Hormones/Parts (all will be left as is without further treatment):
Progesterone - within normal ranges throughout the cycle
Estradiol - normal for pre-peak, low-normal for post-peak
FSH/LH - ratio of 3:1, should be 1:1
Ovulation - one ultrasound series that shows my body is capable of 'typical' ovulation
Endometrial lining - low-normal thickness for post-peak
Fallopian Tubes - open as of surgery in February, 2014; history of both sides being blocked in both surgeries
Condition of uterus - endo removed, adhesions removed, chronic inflammation observed
Diet - Gluten-free (mostly)
Insulin Resistance - reversed with diet and exercise, will maintain diet/exercise plan
Male hormones (androgens/testosterone/DHEA) - some normal results, other non-normal results, one thing that was to be investigated if we continued with NaPro
Brown bleeding - both pre and post AF. Not as much as it used to be but still more often than not.

Other hormones/issues/symptoms (will continue to assess and determine how to manage these):
Thyroid - treated with Armour
Adrenals - some normal, other non-normal results
Chronic urinary tract infections

We are in the process of finding a local endocrinologist (not a reproductive endocrinologist, just a regular one) and/or a naturopath to manage my thyroid/adrenal issues. We are mostly concerned about long term effects of leaving these hormones unmanaged. The same for the chronic urinary tract infections, we are seeking both holistic approach and a local ob/gyn to investigate a way to prevent these. I am also considering food intolerance testing because chronic inflammation cannot be good for long term health either. Though the thought of removing ice cream from my life is terrifying.

We will chart CD1, the first day of externally observed CM, and peak day. That will let The Man know where we are in my cycle, and will let me know if there would/could ever be a reason to suspect pregnancy. Unless there becomes a problem with our intimacy, we will not directly TTC or TTA as far as timing intercourse. In some ways I wish I could forget everything I've learned about NFP.

My thoughts on this:

Four years ago I had no idea I had any health problems. My charts looked mostly good with some occasional brown bleeding. I've always been tired and cold, but nothing I couldn't manage or ever thought much about. I was more concerned that my joking about having adult ADD wasn't really a joke, but was rather real and was getting ready to see about being evaluated for that, but ultimately didn't because I knew I couldn't take those meds if TTC, nor was I really excited about daily meds. I've mostly managed and provide entertainment when I do something less than intelligent that is out of character for me, so there wasn't really much to worry about.

Four years ago, I'd never been under anesthesia. I've never broken a bone. I was a once-a-year ob/gyn patient and that was it. I don't even get seasonal allergies or colds. The worst thing I experienced were the occasional UTIs that were annoying, but I could usually predict them because I chose to not go to the bathroom immediately after intercourse.

I honestly thought my prayer for grace was needed because I would be *that* person who started TTC and was successful right away. How would I have gracefully handled that in the face of all the beautiful ladies' whose blogs I was reading who were infertile. Oh, how God has a sense of humor.

And here I sit, 4 years later, infertile and looking back over the last years asking myself "Who am I and how is this my life?"

I am also so aware that for many of you reading this, this timeline and list are very short if compared to your own. You have done and/or will do so much more for so much longer. I am in awe of your strength and your ability to persevere. No matter how much we have in common with our faith and our infertility, we each must walk our own path. We must follow the road He is laying before us and while these roads intersect and are similar, they are also very different. One is not better or worse than another. One does not indicate a greater desire or faith than the other.

For us, this part of our road is over.

The medical plan ends.

His plans are better than my dreams.

15 comments:

  1. I'm one of those (I guess) that keeps on persevering...but now it's adoption and not TTC'ing. When we stopped med treatment ourselves we decided not to TTC but not TTA as well. We just let it all go which was a relief since med treatment just was not sitting with us well. It is a hard pill to swallow and it will take time to heal and let it all sink in. Just be easy on yourselves as you continue on this journey (as you wrote on another blogger's post recently). Praying for you!

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  2. Prayers, love and hugs my friend! On a side note there is some great coconut milk ice cream that tastes just like or even better than milk ice cream, fyi. We just started drinking raw milk and I made ice cream with it and it was really good. The raw milk and cheeses do not cause inflammation the way pasteurized dairy does.

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  3. I love these lines: "We must follow the road He is laying before us and while these roads intersect and are similar, they are also very different. One is not better or worse than another. One does not indicate a greater desire or faith than the other."

    So, so very true. Hugs and prayers! (And a dinner offer, whenever you're up for it.)

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  4. Not sure what to say but please know you are not alone. Lets just keep praying for God to help.

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  5. Continuing to pray for you, friend! Keep repeating that to yourself- His plans are better than your dreams. They are. You may not understand how or why now, but they are.

    Ice cream - we've been making our own with coconut milk, and you could probably use almond milk too. Chocolate peanut butter, peach, strawberry, you name it, it's really good! No need to be terrified. :)

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  6. I don't like being out of a job. ;( ;(

    But if you are going to leave us...I hope you find someone local to help with the hormone stuff and UTI stuff so you can feel good. Have you ever looked into essential oils? There is one called OnGuard and I wonder if that could help with the UTI's, but I don't know. I think DeTerra is a reputable company if you are interested.

    Can't wait to see what the next path is on this journey for you!

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  7. I too have had to mourn the "no children" thing. However, since my cycles (wacky as they are) haven't shut down, I have this crazy dream . . .
    I hope you feel more of a sense of freedom and that your marriage continues to deepen. Your path is your path, and there's no set amount of time one is suppose to spend on one particular section of the path. I think once you develop or spend your energy on other interests or take on different activities, your mind will be less on everything you learned about NFP. I hope that doesn't sound trite because I know the whole giving up on a dream sorrow especially when it seems like everyone else is living it.

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  8. I also couldn't fathom not eating ice cream, and wish I could forget NFP knowledge. Now I "know too much to not chart", or not know what is going on with my cycle at a given moment. This is a scary step, praying for grace and peace.

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  9. You are always in my prayers. You are so very right, each of us has our own road to travel. I have been reflecting on my experiences, and my journey has definitely not been linear (sometimes I feel like certain things are a little "backwards" of how "most" people do things). Although I never forgot NFP, over time I did think about it less. We haven't charted for several years now (and at one point, in the beginning, I was using two separate charting methods - crazy!). You will never forget the fertility signs, and that knowledge can still guide decisions but it was freeing for me to stop charting and to focus on other things. I very much admire your strength and courage, my friend.

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  10. You are very right about all of our walks being so different. As I sit here, staring at 2 years of medical treatment and just over one and a half of brutal TTC cycles, I already feel so devoid of joy and life that I'm not sure how much longer I can persist on this journey. Considering stopping medical treatment myself and just focusing on finding someone to help me manage thyroid/adrenals instead. These are dark times. I wish that as I had read this....that I didn't relate at all to this post. That wasn't the case though. Call me weak. I don't have much fight left in me, if any, already. Already: now there's a word I'm ashamed of...

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  11. Thanks for sharing all this, Rebecca. Wow, what a road you've been on. It honestly leaves me in awe what you've been through - and that maybe very few people know the extent to which you've submitted your bodies to tests and treatments and surgeries and food changes and so much. It's all so hidden, but God sees it. Praying very much for abundant peace during this time of transition and re-orienting. Sending lots of hugs too.

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  12. It took me longer to get to this point, but I get it. I so, so get it.

    And you are so right, His plans are so much better than our dreams.

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  13. Praying for healing and improved health for you! It's a wonder how many things we live with that we think are "normal." I used to be freezing all the time before T3, and I thought it was just that way I was!

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