My Pain or His Pain?

Recently, after another baby announcement, followed by yet another reminder to myself that this is about my pain, I had a realization - all the times I've pushed on His bruises (the analogy I use: the bruise is always there, can be almost forgotten about until pushed on, and then it hurts) - all the times I've twisted the nails - by denying Him, by turning away from Him, by questioning Him, by not trusting in Him or believing He is enough.

Suddenly, aligning my suffering with His started to make sense. In all those moments when my pain is pushed, I am experiencing what He experienced, He experiences every time we sin; every time we doubt; every time we turn away. I am reminded that in Christ's walk to Calvary and in the hours he hung on the cross He took on all sins from the beginning of time to the end of time, and that includes MY sins.

This gave me a totally new understanding of redemptive suffering. Of offering it up. Of uniting my pain with Christ's and allowing myself to be sanctified, just as He was.

I'm going to a baby shower today. The first one since we've been TTC. I've avoided all others in the past 3 years until now - either by deliberate choice or by an actual schedule conflict. There is a pit in my stomach and every single fiber of my being has kicked in to major "flight" response.

My prayer is that I do this with grace. That I find joy in this sweet baby and mama and that I am able to efficaciously unite my suffering to Christ's. I will be specifically offering this afternoon up for all those mamas who are facing an unplanned or difficult pregnancy, that they may also find joy in the life within them.

It is about my pain, but only in so far as it is about His pain.


  1. Your wismon continues to amaze me. Thanks for sharing this.

    I'll be thinking and praying for you this afternoon!

  2. So beautiful.

    Nothing but love and prayers coming your way.


  3. Prayers that you are able to make it through this afternoon with grace!

    I love the deeper look into what it truly means to unite our suffering with His, what it means to fully offer it up.

  4. wow--what a beautiful comparison!
    Praying for you this afternoon.

  5. Such a beautiful image, Rebecca. I hope the shower went okay, and I hope there was alcohol!! Chocolate too =)

  6. What Ecce Fiat said! The least they can do is serve alcohol at these things. ;) Really, though, I hope it went well, and this is a beautiful post that will be giving me some things to think about for a while.

  7. I agree with the other commenters. This was a really lovely reflection on redemptive suffering, and you've given me a lot to think about. I have such a hard time remembering to align my sufferings with the Lord's. Instead, I just tend to resent them. If I could only remember how much He suffered for me, I like to hope I would resent my own problems less. :)

    Hope the shower went ok. I've been to quite a few in the nearly 6 years we've been TTC, and some were definitely harder than others.

  8. I hope it went well today! You're a good person for supporting that mama and her baby by going to an event that's pretty darn hard for us IFers. Like ecce fiat said, I hope the alcohol flowed freely! :) Also, I really like this image you've painted. Not easy stuff, but beautiful.

  9. I try to remember to do things I don't want to with grace too...it does help. I hope it went well and that you were able to maintain your composure. I haven't been to a baby shower in years...I guess I'm lucky in that most of my friends all have had their children.

  10. God bless you at the shower. Always feel so blessed when you offer up these hard moments for all of us. It really means a lot.

  11. You were brave (and a really good friend) to go to the shower. I hope it went okay. I imagine there could be quite a bit to offer up while there.