11.29.2013

The Medical Plan Begins

AF was her usual nasty self and arrived on Thanksgiving. I was expecting her thanks to the lovely warning of BB she gives me for a week each cycle, but still, Thanksgiving just seemed a bit unnecessary.

This morning, I figured no one would be at Dr. D's office in order to get my order for the Follicular Maturation Series (FMS) and that would mean waiting until the next cycle in January which is a bit of a scheduling nightmare. This annoyance then turned into my awesome "flight" response kicking in and starting to think maybe this just isn't what we should be doing and we should just give up all together. Just about the time I had that thought, a new email popped up in my inbox, from one of the FCPs at Dr. D's office! So, I now have my first ultrasounds scheduled for Tuesday (CD 6, the appointments on Monday/CD 5 were right in the middle of the day and I really need to go to work on Monday, but Tuesday they had morning appointments and CD 6 was an OK day, so I went with it). That was followed up by the email for the orders for my blood work/hormone panel to begin on CD 10.

As peaceful as I thought I felt in those moments where I was thinking that this just isn't what we should be doing, as soon as that first email came back, I knew that peace wasn't of God, that it was a false peace. I am reminded of my session with Fr. D. when he was talking to me about discerning spirits and that when you are in a place of spiritual desolation it is not the time to alter plans, but to continue moving forward with those already in place. It seemed that as soon as I took this step forward on the "plan" in being able to schedule the appointment I felt a little better. I'm grateful for that and for the insight from our last session.

I'm very grateful to be moving forward, feeling very much like we are starting over, as in a lot of ways, we are. I am interested to see how things are different from my first hormone panel 2 years ago, and especially the insulin resistance numbers. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high that things look better, as the BB indicates that my progesterone is still low post-peak.

With this gratitude, though, comes the mixed emotions of wanting the answers that will potentially be provided, but also knowing that those answers could be bad news, specifically related to the FMS. I am as confident as I can be that if we didn't do this test I would look back in 10 years and regret it, so we are moving forward.

I also had a message on Wednesday from Dr. D's scheduler to schedule my next appointment. I didn't get the message until after she was gone for the day, so I will be calling on Monday to make that appointment. I had been wondering if they'd forgotten about me, as it seemed like it was getting late to schedule for January, so I was glad to get the phone call.

It is not lost on me that all of this will be happening during Advent. I'm trying not to have expectations that this year will be like last; I'm just trying to focus on that moment of surrender that allowed the grace to flow and to be open to where He is leading me this year. I know I will fail daily at this and I'll be offering up the moments of stress and anxiety that I'm sure will be a part of this whole process for all of you. I am once again, renewing my surrender, renewing my Fiat. If I've learned anything in this past year, it is that is the only way I'll make it through any of this.

11 comments:

  1. Well, yay for getting things moving. I'm glad that email came at just the right time! Praying that some answers come of all this.

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  2. Ah man. Stupid AF. Praying for you intensely this Advent!

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  3. Good, so glad you are doing this. I really hope and pray it is fruitful!

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  4. I was thinking about you this week. I prayed that you were able to schedule all your tests. I will continue to pray for you. Advent is a season of joy and expectation. This is a new year and that is what I keep telling myself. Happy Advent!

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  5. AF came on Thanksgiving for me too....what a bummer. I had to bail on my first Turkey Trot run b/c of cramps. Ugh. I did get to do the walking portion with my family, but really really missed the chance to run. So glad you are able to move forward and do these tests in December/Advent. Praying it all goes smoothly and the results give some answers and hope.

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  6. Sorry to hear about your Thanksgiving :( I admit you've had some pretty awful AF timings this year. Good to hear about your updates. How did the spiritual plan turn out? I admit I tried to do it (meditating in silence for 30 min) and only lasted a few days. I keep saying ill try again...

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  7. Seriously, what is it with AF and you? It's not fair that it always, always comes on the worst possible day for you! I mean, I'm glad it didn't mess with you first this time and then drop the bomb, but seriously! Anyway, I'm glad you are moving forward and taking one step at a time while consulting with both medical and spiritual guidance. Praying for a very fruitful Advent for you, whatever happens!

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  8. So glad to hear that you are moving forward!

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  9. Praying for you! I am glad you are moving forward with the tests too. And it's helpful to read about your spiritual insights... I have often suspected I've had "false peace" at times when trying to make big decisions.

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  10. AF always shows up at the most inconvenient times! I hope that these tests bring you the answers you need!

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  11. okay, so somehow I missed this post, but glad I see it now. Also...can you educate a non-IF gal? what does FMS stand for?

    Praying for you....

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