This time last year I was having chest pains almost daily and I knew they were related to stress and anxiety. I knew I was going on retreat in the middle of the month and I was desperate for something. I didn't even know what, I just knew I needed something.
The year that has followed, well, let's just say in so many ways my head and heart are still spinning. Still processing. Still wondering.
I see the beautiful story God has been weaving.
I see the healing.
I see how He is using me.
I am humbled.
I am honored.
I feel like He has given me so many answers to the questions I had.
I feel like He has answered my prayer for grace in ways beyond my wildest imagination.
I am no less sad.
I feel no less left behind.
My heart doesn't hurt any less.
The 3 pregnancy announcements in the last week coupled with CD1 today still bring me to tears.
I wonder if I am being ungrateful. If I am taking the gifts He has given me and tossing them aside.
And, it is now August. Because Dr. D schedules so far out, it is now time to decide if we schedule surgery for November and get back on the TTC roller coaster or if we really are done.
There is so much more and there is nothing else.