That is my prayer for this week.
Just under a year ago, my prayer was this: Break My Heart Lord, Allow Me to Feel.
In so many ways that prayer was answered. Some I've blogged about, some I haven't because it still feels so raw.
As I head back to Black Rock for another week long course on Theology of the Body with Christopher West, I am asking the Lord to please continue what He began in me last August. I am so excited to go, I am actually ready over an hour early (which never happens, at least not in the morning) and find myself with time to write this. (I figured I'd be writing from the retreat center this afternoon.)
But, along with my excitement is a little fear. Because of the raw feeling that is still left. There is a piece of me that wonders if I'm ready for this. But, I'm trusting that I am. This course sold out in less than an hour, and I was one of the ones who got registered in time. While it could be my obsessive nature of things, I also feel like it was God calling me back.
As with August, there are no big physical fertility-related events happening this week, so it is left to my heart and soul to grow, stretch, be healed. The fruits of last August's retreat have been many, the most tangible of which is the retreat I planned and held just a few weeks ago. Without receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation from Fr. D's best friend (had no idea!), and a WV logo on my shirt that started a conversation that led to Fr. Jon asking if I knew Fr. D, which led me to ask Fr. D about spiritual direction, which led to my surrender, and so much more, well, I'm not sure just what the past year would've looked like. (Have I mentioned how awesome the Holy Spirit is?!?!)
Also, as with last August, my anxiety seems to be returning. It started just before Mother's Day and has continued. I don't see this as a coincidence either.
So, it is with hope, faith, and trust that I pray continue what You began in me, Lord.