6.30.2013

Careful What You Pray For

When I left on retreat last Sunday, my prayer was for the Lord to continue the work he began in me last summer.

I will admit I was a tiny bit skeptical about it being a true retreat this time around, as it was also a 30 hour course on Theology of the Body (with break times, adoration, Mass, and confession every day. Oh, and awesome food :). I'm used to the schedule, but this time was different. Most of my skepticism came from the fact that when I packed my bag it contained the Catechism of the Catholic Church, Man and Woman: He Created Them, A Theology of the Body; Christopher West's two most recent books; an encyclical and a 50 page papal document. I was more than a little intimidated by this stack and prepared for this week to be different, very different, than past weeks with the TOB Institute (this was my 4th course/retreat with them).

Well, it was different. But not in the way I expected.

Yes, it was a lot of engaging my brain and thinking. And I even made it through Sunday night without crying (which made me all proud of myself, and well, pride goeth before the fall).

And then, from Monday morning through Tuesday evening, well, I'm not even sure there are words to describe it, and it is certainly too much for one post, but I will be sharing it, in a few parts over the next week or so. The posts will be titled/themed as follows (this is definitely a little bit of an accountability thing here as I want to post about these and I don't want to forget what I'm thinking of):

"The Barren Visitation" - the story of 2 women who sat with one another for a week and took turns bringing Christ to one another

"Follow Me" - where I felt Jesus calling me to that moment on the cross when he cried out "My God, My God, Why have you abandoned me?"

"My God, My God, Why Have You Abandoned Me?" - what happened when I followed Him to that moment

"In the Service of Life" - my latest thoughts on infertility, suffering, answered prayers, and pain.

The reason for this post is, yes, to hold me accountable, but also to say that I truly hope what I will be sharing is helpful to you.

I used to think peace = no pain; peace = acceptance; peace = no more hot mess of grieving. What I learned last week, is that sometimes peace = pain, anger, even hotter mess of grieving, but believing and knowing (if only in my head) that Jesus is with me and God is trustworthy.

Much of these posts will be raw emotion, in fact I still feel like I have a huge exposed wound after having a bandaid ripped off. It won't be pretty, it wasn't pretty last week, but if it helps one person reading this in the tiniest little bit it will be worth sharing.

13 comments:

  1. Sounds intense...and emotional. Wondering about what you are going to share. hmmmm...

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  2. I cannot wait to read about the retreat. Trust me I know about raw emotion.

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  3. Thanks for sharing, Rebecca. I'm looking forward to reading all these posts and I'm sure they'll help me. "Pride goeth before the fall" is something I need to remember sometimes.

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  4. Sounds like you'll be harvesting a lot of spiritual fruit for a while. I look forward to the series of posts. Thanks for being willing to share your experiences so honestly and deeply.

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  5. As always, can't wait to hear about what you are learning! I'm glad it was good, even though it wasn't easy. (Is it ever?) I didn't know you'd been 4 times. I knew you'd been a couple of times, but I didn't realize it was that many.

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  6. Sweet friend, I am so sorry you continue to walk through this grief, this pain, this "hot mess" of emotion. But thank you. Thank you for speaking truth, for being honest, for pointing to Jesus. And yes, my friend, you have peace... "Peace I give you," our Lord says. He is giving it to you in the midst of pain. Keep clinging. Keep sharing. You are a blessing.

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  7. I look forward to every single post! Your writing always helps me =)

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  8. Rebecca, I can't wait to read about your experiences. I know from the Infertility retreat a few weeks ago, that sometimes it takes feeling that raw emotion to fully understand what God is trying to tell you. I can't wait to hear about your insights -- as I'm sure I'll relate :-)

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  9. Can't wait to glean from you, especially looking forward to your insights on peace!

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  10. You're in my prayers every day! I always love your posts.

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  11. Looking forward to reading about your retreat. It sounds intense.

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  12. Can't wait to read more about your retreat. I continue to pray for you daily. You're right - sometimes peace does = pain.

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  13. Sounds like a spiritually and emotionally powerful retreat. Looking forward to reading your reflections!

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