One year ago, I took one-step forward in my goal to live the life I have.
So, my two options were:
1) I'm going to register for this race and I'm going to be pregnant or newly postpartum and not be able to run. I lose $55, but am a mommy. I win!
2) I'm going to register for this race and I'm not going to be pregnant or newly postpartum, but I will run a half-marathon. I win!
I was good with both of these outcomes. In fact it was the realization that no matter what happened, I was going to be OK.
Ironically, or not, I will not be running the half marathon this coming August.
1) First, I knew I wouldn't be running it a few months ago when one of my bestest friends asked me to be godmother to her daughter. The date for the baptism was set for the same day as the race. I'll take sacraments over sweat any day!
2) Then, last week we got an email that the Rock 'n Roll Pittsburgh Half that was supposed to be this August was postponed to 2014. We could change our registration to any other Rock 'n Roll half or get a refund. I opted for the refund.
So, it seems running that race was never meant to be a part of my life.
But, I still win in so. many. ways.
1) I didn't lose any money. (Always a good thing!)
2) I have a new goddaughter on the way.
3) I knew if I waited 18 months between registering for and actually running my first half-marathon, I would just sit on my butt until about 3 months before and not really train. So I registered for a half in the fall. I trained and I ran last October.
4) I found a release in running that I never expected. This time last year I was convinced my body couldn't go more than 6 miles. Now 6 miles is a short run. Infertility shook my confidence in my body, I felt broken and like I didn't work right. Running restored that faith in my physical being.
5) I've lost weight! My latest shopping trip found me fitting comfortably into clothes 2 sizes smaller than last year.
6) I have enjoyed running so much, that I'm registered for the Marine Corps Marathon in October. I had to run a 17.75 kilometer race (11.03 miles) to ensure I'd get a spot and not get frozen out during the regular registration and every. single. mile. was worth it.
Today, I am heading back to Pittsburgh. I've run the 5k the last 2 years, but this year, I will be running on Sunday. I will be running the Pittsburgh Half-Marathon tomorrow. I have a time goal and not just a "finish and don't keel over from exhaustion" goal. I will be back in that same expo center. Last year, I was in awe of all of the runners around me, thinking that a 5K was all I would ever run in Pittsburgh. I said over and over again, I'm not really a runner. A 5K is it for me. This year, I feel like a runner.
The only thing missing is my friend, Sara, who is usually with me. Encouraging me and setting the bar high. This weekend, she is recovery from her breast cancer surgery. She is doing well, but obviously running a marathon isn't approved 2 1/2 weeks after a mastectomy and reconstruction. She will be with me though. Just as when I ran the 17.75K, I will pick up her race packet (she was registered before she knew about the cancer) and I will gently peel her tracking strips off her bib number and when I safety pin my number to the front of my shirt she will run right along with me. She doesn't know it, though she might read this :), but I will wear a number of hers every. single. race. I run until the day we are standing at the start line together again. Every step I take in a race until then is offered up for her and her recovery. She will win, too!
No, I will not be running a race on Aug. 4 this year.
No, I am not pregnant or a new mommy.
No, I did not spend $55 unnecessarily.
But I win!