12.06.2012

Feeling the Emptiness

Laura Bush has written this on the subject of infertility:

The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?

I am feeling this emptiness that there are no words for in a way I'm not sure I have words for this evening. I'm sure it's because I'm tired and stressed from worrying, but it is there nonetheless. Prayer buddy, I'm offering it up for you.

28 comments:

  1. Beautiful words, echoed by your beautiful soul.

    I am sending you love and prayers to fill your void.

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  2. One of my favorite quotes. Sad, but so true.

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  3. I think, perhaps, that you are in perfect place to live Advent.

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  4. I really like that quote. I think it helps explain why it is often difficult for those who haven't experienced infertility to understand what it's like emotionally. Praying for you, tonight especially.

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  5. Praying for you.... hugs, sweet friend!!

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  6. Im so sorry you are hurting.

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  8. I totally get your sadness. It is a very worthy suffering to offer up. I will pray with you.

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  9. Allison's latest post about her letters to Sam before he was conceived speak to this emptiness. She said, "You've left an imprint on my soul through your absence". It's amazing how you just "know" them before they're here and waiting for them is so heartbreaking. Praying for you dear friend.

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  10. I think that the emptiness is the hardest thing to deal with -- especially the rooms that should be filled with children.

    Continued prayers for you!

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  11. That quote is so hauntingly true. It is such a strange thing to try to explain to someone...and I've felt such a need lately for someone to understand. Of course, to truly understand, you must have gone through IF, and I would never wish that on anyone. What Ania says rings true as well.."It's amazing how you just know them before they're here and waiting for them is so heartbreaking." The missing and even the possibility of never knowing the little ones you feel you already "know" is just too much sometimes. Praying for you extra, R.

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  12. Rebecca,
    I'm praying that Jesus fill the emptiness. I am so sorry for your pain.
    Your offering of this pain for your prayer buddy gives glory to Him.

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  13. Praying for you Rebecca! I have been feeling emptiness myself and I don't know how to describe it.

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  14. :(
    That quote is so spot on.
    It's just so hard and there's not many words that can comfort or things that can be done but please know I am praying for you sweet friend.

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  15. Even now I remember that feeling of emptiness too. Praying for you during this difficult time.

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  16. Such a beautiful quote. I'm finding this time of year really difficult as well. Praying for you.

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  17. I know what you are saying about emptiness. Feeling pretty empty these days myself. It makes me think about Augustine, who said that God creates us with this void inside of us so that we are always searching for Him. "Our hearts are restless until they rest in You."

    But infertiles, I feel, feel this emptiness in a different way, I think. Maybe more sharply. I pray that you feel God's abundant and overflowing love pouring into the emptiness at this time of year. So many prayers for you.

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  18. I know that feeling of emptiness all to well myself. It's tough especially around this time of the year. Ugh! Sometimes I just let myself feel it...then I move on. I can't keep letting IF get the best of me. I have so many other things in my life to enjoy and blessings to be thankful for. Remembering those positives...help me overcome the negatives. God bless you!

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  19. Praying for you.

    The absence also creates a loneliness, a separation from others, who mean well but cannot understand. The absence of desired children creates a hole, that is invisible to the world, and it isolates one from others who cannot see the hole and understand the pain. Unlike the loss of a family member, where others can see what is missing, what is lost and understand the pain. The loss of an absence is different, it is what never was. How do you articulate the ache of what never was. Others (those outside the pain) have a hard time understanding that sort of pain. ...Except this life saving community, they understand and can support one another in the pain and ache.

    I have a new favorite quote. Thank you.

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  20. Laura Bush articulates the ache of missing your children that aren't yet born so beautifully. But I wish she wouldn't have to articulate something so painful. I wish IF didn't exist.
    Keeping you in prayer this Season.

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  21. I sometimes feel like my comments to you, on this subject, fall severely short, mainly because I can't understand. As much as I wish I could, I just can't and I hope that you know that my heart breaks for you. I want happiness for you. I want you to realize your dreams. I want you to be a mother, and experience all of the beautiful (and the crappy) that comes with it. And I know in the end that no one can make all of that happen...only our Lord. I hope you know I am sincere, and I hope that you can feel my prayers. And I wish I could take this hurt away from you Rebecca.

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  22. The theme of "loss" has come up in many of the conversations we have had lately... I wish I had something inspirational and life changing to say... but know you are in my heart and prayers. ~AM

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  23. Yes. That is so beautifully, hauntingly, heartbreakingly true. Many prayers my friend!

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  24. That is incredibly terribly sadly true. Thank you for posting this, I needed the words.

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