10.05.2012

Not-so Quick Takes

1. Thank-you all for the prayers for my Dad. If you could please continue praying. He had the PET Scan and they found 3 spots on his lungs (1 on the right, 2 on the left - only one on the left showed up on the xray). He will be having surgery next Friday, Oct. 12 to remove the small spot on his right lung. They will biopsy that spot and then determine what comes next. If it is melanoma (a return from about 4 years ago when he had a spot removed from his back), he will have a second surgery to remove the bottom half of his left lung. If it is lung cancer he will not have a second surgery because apparantly when you take out parts of a lung with lung cancer the cancer gets mad and grows even faster. If it is lung cancer, depending on stage and all that stuff, he will then be treated with chemo and/or radiation. The "better" option would be a return of the melanoma and to have the 2nd surgery in early November. *deep breath*

2. In trying to focus on the positives, my Dad has a chest xray every 6 months (since the melanoma a few years ago), so these spots are at the oldest 6 months old. His doctor is being very careful to disrupt Dad's lungs as little as possible in case (and they do not think it is likely) that it is indeed lung cancer. My Dad is in generally good health and while we have no idea of any type of prognosis yet, the doctors do not seem to be trying to get us to brace ourselves for the worst. If I could just please ask you for your prayers, for my Dad, for my stepmom, and for both of my brothers - one lives in Texas and is feeling very far from home and the other is only 16.

3. One more Dad-related Quick Take. My Dad rarelly asks for anything of those around him. When he says "I don't care", he truly means it and no offense should be taken. When he says he "doesn't need anything," he also means it and it should be honored (though he does enjoy a good surprise). So, when he called to tell me about the surgery (and knowing that there was no need to ask me to be there or to tell me not to come - one thing my family does well is hang out in hospitals when one of us is having something major done), I was pleasantly surprised that he had a specific request before I was able to ask, "what do you need?" Next Saturday (10/13), my little brother's band is marching in a parade out of town, and another thing my family does well is make sure none of us are in the hospital alone for any length of time, so my Dad requested that I come spend the day with him, watching football, in the hospital. I am more than happy to oblige and while the scenery wouldn't be my first choice, I know my Dad and I will make the most of the day together. (And I hope that maybe the drugs he'll be on will make him forget that he doesn't share the remote! Hey, a girl can dream, right? :))

4. Now, this one is somewhat Dad-related, but it really has to do with me. I've let myself go to that place where my Nan never gets to meet a great-grandchild and be called "Big  Nan", where there is no 4-generations picture of me, a child, my mom, and my Nan (there are 18 years of 4 generations pictures of me with my mom, my Nan, and my Big Grandma). But I've never let myself go is to the place where one of my parents doesn't get to be a grandparent. And, here is proof that I'm a horrible person, it is the thought of my Dad not getting to be a "Pap" that tears me up inside. Maybe it's because I'm closer to my Dad, maybe it's because my Dad has never said anything insensitive about our IF, and maybe it's because as much as he says "don't have a baby for me" I know he would relish being a Pap and how much our IF hurts him. In all of my planning, right after I decide how I would tell The Man, I decide how I would tell my Dad. It is not that I want him to celebrate me being a mother, not at all, I want him to be a Pap, to hold a sweet, tiny little one and know the sun will rise and set over his head in the eyes of that little one forever. IF has taken so much (and granted, I have been given so much as a result as well), but when it starts taking things from other people is when I get most angry; when the lump builds in my throat and the tears are unstoppable. Why my cross must cause pain, disappointment, and loss for others I will never ever understand.

5. On the topic of IF, I realized I haven't updated with the rest of my test results. One of my cultres did come back positive for infection (in addition to the Beta Strep Group B), so The Man and I are both finishing up 7 days of antibiotics for that. My blood work also showed that my thyroid is not fully cooperating, so I am taking Synthroid for that. I am now the not-so-proud owner of a pill-box so I can keep my meds straight and make sure I take everything I'm supposed to every day. And trying to make sure I don't take this drug too close to that vitamin is a juggling act like no other. Add in keeping the needles hidden from The Man while giving myself shots without letting him know what I'm doing (he has panic attacks with needles and it is a huge accomplishment that they are even IN our house). I know without a doubt that if I needed him to give me the shots or to be with me when I gave them to myself that he would do it, without a complaint, but at this point, it's not necessary to put him through that torture.

6. We'll continue on the topic of IF, and I'll just say that I should've learned by now to not get all bold and cocky. I did it when the BB disappeared - for one cycle. And I got my hopes up waaay high last cycle, and it was a beautiful cycle. No BB, normal length luteal phase, good CM, etc. etc. And still, no. I thought, completely full of pride, that maybe the femara wouldn't be necessary (don't worry, I took it anyway) and that I would have another beautiful cycle - that I had just been impatient and needed to give my surgery time to work. Ha! Ha! Ha! Even with the B6, the femara did a number on my CM and there has been weird bleeding all over the place. It appears that one good cycle out of 6 is all my body is capable of. I'm pretty sure that if I weren't on the HCG AF would've already shown up, so I figure P+10 will turn into CD1 early next week. To say I'm getting frustrated is the understatment of the century. And I know all of this stress, both IF and Dad related, are not helping.

7. Well, this has been a cheery edition of Quick Takes, hasn't it? :( Have no fear, it wouldn't be a Friday in the Fall if I didn't mention, wait for it.....FOOTBALL!!!!!!  Tomorrow, WVU goes on the road to Texas. Our first Big XII away game in a stadium that holds 108,000 people - thats 40,000 more than Mountaineer Field holds. There is an awesome photo going around Facebook that I want to post so badly, but I am terrified it has already jinxed us, should we win on Saturday, it will get its own post on Sunday (or probably even Saturday night!). I'm a nervous wreck for this game tomorrow, but I am oh so looking forward to it. If I ever needed football, it is this weekend. While I won't be AT a game, I will be stressing out big time and The Man and I will be enjoying wings, pepperoni rolls (GF ones for me!), and drinks as we cheer on our 'Eers as they face the Longhorns.


19 comments:

  1. First, prayers for your dad. Huge prayers. The day my dad has his throat cancer surgery, we watched football together in the hospital room. One of the best memories in a scary time I have!
    If you need anything, call! Seriously!
    And the IF issues, I wish I could say something that would help, but know that I am thinking of you and if you need anything, seriously again, call!
    And enjoy the game this weekend - I too, have nerves and worries. Deep Breaths!!!

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  2. First, praying for your dad.
    Second... I agree, one of the worst side effects of IF is seeing how it impacts your family - potential grandparents, aunts, uncles and so on. It's so hard.
    And finally - hope it's a good football weekend! :)

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  3. Oh, my dear! I am definitely praying for your dad. If you need anything, I'm far, but I'm not Texas-far, and I'm willing to haul myself out to WV if needed. As always, praying that a mini-you-and-The-Man enters your life very, very soon!

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  4. Your dad is in my prayers. It is so hard to see parents go through health concerns. You also remain in my prayers for TTC. I truly have hope for you. I pray that your time is soon.

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  5. praying... this is a lot to deal with.

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  6. Continued prayers for your Dad and your whole family. While it has been painful at times that our children will not know either of our dads in this life I remind myself that God's plan is perfect and another world awaits.

    Hope the new med protocol helps.

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  7. Praying for your dad and IF. I can't even imagine how tough everything is right now, but know I'm thinking about you and praying for you!

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  8. Yes, prayers for your dad coming! I am closer to my dad as well and I love seeing how he interacts with Elizabeth. He is the the only one of all my family (on both sides) that calls her anything besides Elizabeth - he calls her "Lizzy" and I feel like it is his own special connection with her. So, all this to say, I am praying for you and your dad and especially for him to have his own little grandchild from you guys that he can develop a special bond with.

    And I totally get what you mean about needing football. Sometimes it is the only thing that will distract me from all the other craziness going on in my life. I hope you have a good weekend!

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  9. I can't stand the Longhorns, so go WVU!! :) I'm a daddy's girl so these quick takes had me in tears! Continued prayers for your dad's health, and that you get to make him a grandpa. Maybe getting rid of that infection is the ticket!! :)

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  10. Prayers for your dad and you! Enjoy watching football tomorrow!

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  11. Praying for your Dad, and for you! Hope you smoke the Longhorns!

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  12. I'm adding your dad to my prayer list! I, too, imagine what it would be like to tell my dad that he is going to be a grandfather. He's never said anything hurtful about my IF, unlike my mother who says ridiculous things to me (esp in public!).

    I hope that the needles are going well. I started back on the HCG and I feel normal again!

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  13. Been down the road you are on with your dad- it's hard. Praying for quick healing and good results. St. Peregrine, Pray for us!!

    From a parent's perspective, I would never want AJ to feel bad for me if he couldn't have kids or if he didn't find someone to marry. That would just about kill me. I know that doesn't take away the pain. It just doesn't. But maybe remembering that your dad wouldn't want you feeling bad for him will lighten your load a smidge. I don't like to give advice in comments, but I thought I would take a leap of faith and offer this perspective. Take it or leave it sweet Rebecca.

    Praying for you and your dad...

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  14. We are heading to the Vigil Mass in a little bit, I'll light a candle for you and your dad. Prayers. It is hard for me to see how much the cross of IF pervades your family and your life, but I am glad you share. I like having the opportunity to pray for you.

    Enjoy your football and your dad. Love you much and know that you're in my prayers.

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  15. Goodness you have a lot on your plate at the moment!! Definitely praying for healing for your dad! I think about telling my parents that they are grandparents too and I really hope we both get that chance!
    I too hope y'all can crush those Longhorns!! I'm an Aggie girl so anytime that "other" school takes a beating is fine by me ;) Cheering with you..go WVU!!

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  16. We will keep praying for you dad. That's scary stuff....but the way your family bonds together during hospital stays is amazing. Hats the stuff good families are made of. And as always, praying for the opportunity for you guys to be able to pass it down to the next genertation...love ya.

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  17. Praying for you and your Dad, love.

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  18. I will be praying for your dad. It's so hard to watch a loved one suffer, especially your dad, who I can tell you idolize. (Me too!) I also, hurt for IF hurting those around me. My dad's always been sick & in and out of hospitals all my life, and after I was married, I thought "ok, NOW I can make him a Grandpa". And it didn't happen for almost 6 years. It is like disappointing him that you can't help but doing (not that it is your fault, but that's how I feel about my own dad). You'd do anything, but you can't. I know your dad knows you're giving your all. He's probably praying for you and your DH - and a father's unending prayer will be heard by God. (((( hugs ))))

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