2. In trying to focus on the positives, my Dad has a chest xray every 6 months (since the melanoma a few years ago), so these spots are at the oldest 6 months old. His doctor is being very careful to disrupt Dad's lungs as little as possible in case (and they do not think it is likely) that it is indeed lung cancer. My Dad is in generally good health and while we have no idea of any type of prognosis yet, the doctors do not seem to be trying to get us to brace ourselves for the worst. If I could just please ask you for your prayers, for my Dad, for my stepmom, and for both of my brothers - one lives in Texas and is feeling very far from home and the other is only 16.
3. One more Dad-related Quick Take. My Dad rarelly asks for anything of those around him. When he says "I don't care", he truly means it and no offense should be taken. When he says he "doesn't need anything," he also means it and it should be honored (though he does enjoy a good surprise). So, when he called to tell me about the surgery (and knowing that there was no need to ask me to be there or to tell me not to come - one thing my family does well is hang out in hospitals when one of us is having something major done), I was pleasantly surprised that he had a specific request before I was able to ask, "what do you need?" Next Saturday (10/13), my little brother's band is marching in a parade out of town, and another thing my family does well is make sure none of us are in the hospital alone for any length of time, so my Dad requested that I come spend the day with him, watching football, in the hospital. I am more than happy to oblige and while the scenery wouldn't be my first choice, I know my Dad and I will make the most of the day together. (And I hope that maybe the drugs he'll be on will make him forget that he doesn't share the remote! Hey, a girl can dream, right? :))
4. Now, this one is somewhat Dad-related, but it really has to do with me. I've let myself go to that place where my Nan never gets to meet a great-grandchild and be called "Big Nan", where there is no 4-generations picture of me, a child, my mom, and my Nan (there are 18 years of 4 generations pictures of me with my mom, my Nan, and my Big Grandma). But I've never let myself go is to the place where one of my parents doesn't get to be a grandparent. And, here is proof that I'm a horrible person, it is the thought of my Dad not getting to be a "Pap" that tears me up inside. Maybe it's because I'm closer to my Dad, maybe it's because my Dad has never said anything insensitive about our IF, and maybe it's because as much as he says "don't have a baby for me" I know he would relish being a Pap and how much our IF hurts him. In all of my planning, right after I decide how I would tell The Man, I decide how I would tell my Dad. It is not that I want him to celebrate me being a mother, not at all, I want him to be a Pap, to hold a sweet, tiny little one and know the sun will rise and set over his head in the eyes of that little one forever. IF has taken so much (and granted, I have been given so much as a result as well), but when it starts taking things from other people is when I get most angry; when the lump builds in my throat and the tears are unstoppable. Why my cross must cause pain, disappointment, and loss for others I will never ever understand.
5. On the topic of IF, I realized I haven't updated with the rest of my test results. One of my cultres did come back positive for infection (in addition to the Beta Strep Group B), so The Man and I are both finishing up 7 days of antibiotics for that. My blood work also showed that my thyroid is not fully cooperating, so I am taking Synthroid for that. I am now the not-so-proud owner of a pill-box so I can keep my meds straight and make sure I take everything I'm supposed to every day. And trying to make sure I don't take this drug too close to that vitamin is a juggling act like no other. Add in keeping the needles hidden from The Man while giving myself shots without letting him know what I'm doing (he has panic attacks with needles and it is a huge accomplishment that they are even IN our house). I know without a doubt that if I needed him to give me the shots or to be with me when I gave them to myself that he would do it, without a complaint, but at this point, it's not necessary to put him through that torture.
6. We'll continue on the topic of IF, and I'll just say that I should've learned by now to not get all bold and cocky. I did it when the BB disappeared - for one cycle. And I got my hopes up waaay high last cycle, and it was a beautiful cycle. No BB, normal length luteal phase, good CM, etc. etc. And still, no. I thought, completely full of pride, that maybe the femara wouldn't be necessary (don't worry, I took it anyway) and that I would have another beautiful cycle - that I had just been impatient and needed to give my surgery time to work. Ha! Ha! Ha! Even with the B6, the femara did a number on my CM and there has been weird bleeding all over the place. It appears that one good cycle out of 6 is all my body is capable of. I'm pretty sure that if I weren't on the HCG AF would've already shown up, so I figure P+10 will turn into CD1 early next week. To say I'm getting frustrated is the understatment of the century. And I know all of this stress, both IF and Dad related, are not helping.
7. Well, this has been a cheery edition of Quick Takes, hasn't it? :( Have no fear, it wouldn't be a Friday in the Fall if I didn't mention, wait for it.....FOOTBALL!!!!!! Tomorrow, WVU goes on the road to Texas. Our first Big XII away game in a stadium that holds 108,000 people - thats 40,000 more than Mountaineer Field holds. There is an awesome photo going around Facebook that I want to post so badly, but I am terrified it has already jinxed us, should we win on Saturday, it will get its own post on Sunday (or probably even Saturday night!). I'm a nervous wreck for this game tomorrow, but I am oh so looking forward to it. If I ever needed football, it is this weekend. While I won't be AT a game, I will be stressing out big time and The Man and I will be enjoying wings, pepperoni rolls (GF ones for me!), and drinks as we cheer on our 'Eers as they face the Longhorns.
Have a great weekendand be sure to visit Jen for more (upbeat and actual) Quick Takes!