8.24.2012

Quick Takes

1.  I am home from my retreat and I have so much to process and to share. For now, I will say that God answered my prayer and broke my heart in ways I had no idea needed to happen. It was excruciatingly painful and so healing all at the same time. And yes, the chest pains have stopped and have been replaced by tears.

2.  As I was driving home from the retreat center that has become so familiar to me, I stopped at a rest stop along the the turnpike and realized two things: 1) I require Sta.rbu.cks (Chai, no coffee for this girl) and 2) assimilating back into the "real world" is going to be difficult this time. Everything seemed sharp and harsh, even the lack of "you're welcome" from the woman who made my chai latte was so stark in contrast to the previous four days. There was a glimmer of hope in the teen boy who held the door open for me when I headed back out to my car.

3.  I also got to see my dear friend, Fr. Tom. Fr. Tom is from Ireland and we met and became friends at TOB 1 in October. In this case, Facebook is a true blessing because it has allowed us to become even better friends and I was so looking forward to seeing him again. He sat beside me all week in class and I could feel his prayers for me during the times the tears ran down my cheeks and the silent sobs shook my whole body.
Me and Fr. Tom!
4. Oh, and did I mention that Chris.topher W.est was the instructor for the week? See...
Please excuse the puffy, tired eyes - this was after about 5 days of crying. And this was taken BEFORE I tried to tell him thank-you...
Trying to express gratitude to Christopher that goes far far beyond words ever could. When you study Theology of the Body, you talk so much about "life giving love" that it is extremely painful for my IF heart to hear. Christopher addresses this subject with such compassion and love, while the pain is not lessened, the blow is gentler and the recovery easier. (Please excuse the ugly cry.)
Thanking Christopher for being the hands and feet of Christ. He is so humble when you give him a complement, always giving credit to Jesus, yet I can't help but think of how often he talks and teaches about Mary's "yes" to our Lord. Christopher's "yes" to our Lord is also so important. (And yes, if you tied my hands behind my back I would be unable to speak.)
5. As I am writing about my week, I am realizing I have been extremely remiss in writing about some awesome meet-ups with some of you!!! While I was in Texas, I got to meet J. from Faith Makes things Possible, not Easy AND E. from One Joyful Day AND I also got to hang out with Kara whose husband recognized me by my blog back in April. Then, JellyBelly and her hubby were travelling through Pittsburgh on their way back home and we had dinner together! And finally, January from Women for All Seasons and I met on my way to my retreat last Sunday. It has been a summer full of blogger meet-ups and I think January said it best when she said, "Meeting confirmed we were already friends, we just had to fill in some of the practical details." Thank-you, from the bottom of my heart to all of you, for being a part of my life and for rearranging details so that we could share real hugs, real smiles, and real love with one another. I am honored and humbled.

6. Do any of you ever notice the "Daily Jolt" at the top right of my blog? Well, today's "jolt" is so appropriate and ties so much into my journey of infertility I have to share it: 
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. ~Epicurus 
It is this balance I continue to struggle with - hoping for motherhood while not ruining the life I do have in the process. Such a simple thing to say. Such a difficult thing to live.

7. And, in order to make these takes authentically random AND authentically me, I will now remind you that football season starts in 8 DAYS!!!!!!  Well, I'm sure there will be a college game or two before next Saturday, but in my world (and this is my blog :-)) WVU Football starts on Saturday, September 1 at Noon. This football season is once again bittersweet, somehow I never thought I'd be facing another one without a child, and yet, I know how healing football can be for me. So, I'm going to focus on the good and enjoy getting out all of my gold and blue (and maybe even buying a new shirt or two!), enjoy planning yummy tailgate food, and figuring out what I shall drink, since beer has gluten in it *sniff*, each week!

17 comments:

  1. I will never forget meeting Christopher West as an infertile woman. It was less than a month before surgery with Dr Hilgers, he dropped to his knees and placed my husband's hand on my womb. He also signed in my book about never forgetting that my marriage is life giving. What a blessing to spend such great time with him. I totally get the ugly cry here.

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  2. I'm glad to see you back on the Quick Takes!

    #2: It is so all about iced chai tea lattés, isn't it?

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  3. Those photos with Christopher West are so beautiful! You are such an inspiration, sister! Truly.

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  4. Chai lattes are like heaven in a cup!!!

    I have been praying for you so much! It was such a blessing to have met you. I think that we both needed it so much!!!!

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  5. Wow, R. You are amazing. The tears are a total grace from the Lord. Much healing from living in the pain. Our society spends so much time running from the pain, that when we as Catholics run TO the pain we become saints. You are on my way, friend! Plus, you LOOK FABULOUS!

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  6. Ahh! You're SO beautiful, Rebecca! Praise God for those healing tears! It was SO great to meet you in Dallas and please know you have been in our thoughts and prayers! (Oh, and I'm slooowly getting back into blogging. . .:)

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  7. I am so glad your retreat was such a healing experience! I've been praying for you so much!!

    And YAY for football season! :-D (There is GF beer... just make sure it's cold. I can't vouch for the taste- I'm not much of a beer drinker, but I've heard others say there are some better than others.)

    #4... so, so jealous. Christopher West is AWESOME. I've heard him speak before, but it's been years. He is just SO GOOD!!

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  8. Love your takes and love you! I am looking forward to a particular football game on December 1. :) I think my husband is, too. Alas, my children will have to watch it on tv. :)

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  9. Now I'm jealous that I don't live closer so that I could go---PA is just a little too far away. :-(

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  10. Vodka is gluten free! ;) Actually, I have no idea if that's true or not. :) So glad the retreat was so healing. I don't think you are an ugly crier, i thought the photos were very touching! And I'm so jealous of all your blogger meetups!!

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  11. I'm a pink puffy eye crier too. Looking forward to hearing more about your retreat and dinner on Tues.

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  12. I'm glad you had a good retreat. I'm looking forward to your football posts. How do you think the Mountaineers will fare in the Big 12 this year? My hubby is on pins an needles about his Missouri Tigers moving to the SEC. It seems like it's going to be an interesting season on a lot of fronts with all the changes.

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  13. I am so so glad your retreat went so well! And that Christopher West led it. Ah! Those look like super healing tears. I don't remember who said it, but there's a saying that "what soap is for the body, tears are for the soul." It was so wonderful meeting you, friend.

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  14. Have been praying for you since meeting you in Dallas, Rebecca. May God's healing touch continue to be a soothing salve for your soul. Sending blessings your way!

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  15. I'm glad you had an amazing retreat and could reconnect in person with Fr.Tom!! I know what you mean by ugly cry, and you so did not show that in the pictures. You are beautiful! Truly. Inside and out. The Holy Spirit was with you in letting your emotions out.
    I'm so glad for amazing blog friends! Such wonderful women!!!!!

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  16. I'm so glad that your retreat went so well!!!

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  17. I'm so happy your retreat was a blessing to you! The pictures you shared are wonderful, and it's very humble of you to give us all a window into that conversation. God bless you!

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