7.24.2012

A Pattern?

The last time I went to Dallas, we were fresh off of our last move. Today, I'm sitting in the airport - boxes still waiting to be unpacked and stuff everywhere in my house.

I'm off to a conference for work this week and then a few days visiting my brother and SIL next week before I head home.  (And hoping to see this lady - anyone else in the Dallas area???) The Man is looking forward to a week in which he doesn't have to hear me say "can you move these boxes?" or "I think that shelf should go here." (And I suspect many nights spent playing video games until he can't keep his eyes open ;).)

For now, I'm enjoying that for the next couple of hours there is very little that is under my control. So much has (and had to) be so planned and organized the past few weeks that I've been counting down to 9:15 today (when my plane takes off) for most of that time.

We've been busy - hello, moving in 7 days?!?! When will I learn? ("Never" ~The Man)

We've had fun - The Dark Knight Rises (a.ma.zing!) - Pirate baseball (they may just have a winning season - first one in over 20 years) - dinner with family - and more!

We've settled in - after a brief freak-out by Mei Mei, in which she shredded, completely shredded, her bed because her crate was across the room from Kali instead of right beside her, we've settled into a new routine of mornings and evenings and enjoying our new home while unpacking (seriously - where does all the stuff come from?!?!).

And now, somehow it is almost August and I've yet to spend a day sitting by the pool doing nothing - thrice foiled by moving and weather - and yet, it's been a good summer so far.

Soon, I'll be settling back into my usual travel schedule - which would have made a move in 7 days nearly impossible. I'll be heading back to Black Rock for another week with Christo.pher We.st and Theology of the Body; I'll be stacking up the blue and gold and geting ready for football; Life will continue to move forward.

For now, for today? I'm looking forward to someone else driving the plane and relaxing while I travel.   I'm enjoying this pattern of "move" then "go to Dallas a week later". Next time though, I think I'll just take the latter.

7.15.2012

Offerring Congratulations

I knew it was coming. A church-friend announced her pregnancy on FB a few weeks ago and I knew I'd see her soon.  (Thanks to my travel schedule and our move last week I had a few weeks to let it sink in).

This is someone I am genuinely happy for and were the announcement made in any other way, I'd have been running over to congratulate her instead of waiting for her to come to me.  She had a miscarriage a couple of years ago and then I reached out to her last fall because I just suspected. We had a nice conversation over tea and I've been praying for her very specifically ever since.

She had surgery to remove a couple polyps just a couple of weeks after I had my surgery. We offered each other private messages of prayers and encouragement on FB before and after. I figured it was just a matter of time for her.

And then came the announcement. On Facebook. Publicly. With no warning, no direct message, no acknowledgement. Nothing.

And it hurt. A lot.

We aren't super close friends, so I don't know why I expected anything different. I don't know why I feel like I had a right to private message. And maybe that's just it - I expected too much and I have no right to anything in regards to how someone else announces a pregnancy.

I hate myself for being less-than-excited for her. For letting something so seemingly small affect my reactions. Yet, when I tell myself all of the things that are probably true - she was just too excited for answered prayers, she didn't know what to say or do, etc. - it really doesn't help.

I know it doesn't help that the BrB has been hanging around for a few days and that AF is on her way. (There is definitely no hope of a BFP this month - you actually have to, you know, have se.x for that to be possible. And apparently packing up all of your belongings during the fertile time only results in 2 exhausted people who collapse into bed and play rock-paper-scissors for has to get back up to put the dogs in their kennels.) While there is no hope - disappointment cycle to experience there is a missed opportunity. And in the past when there was no chance the cycle was actually a bit healing, a chance to take a breather and get back on the horse. Not this time. It is a glaring missed opportunity and a huge question of what might have been. But oh yes, there is all of the irregular bleeding, so who am I kidding?

So I know all of this. And yet it took every. single. ounce. of strength not to cry during mass or when I hugged her and offered my congratulations.

I hate IF. I hate it with every. single. fiber. of my being.

7.13.2012

Moving: Bittersweet

7 days from the first boxed packed to everything moved to the new house. It's been a whirlwind, but it's done and I'm looking forward to spending the weekend organizing and unpacking - the only fun parts of moving.

For now though, I need to reflect on the bittersweetness of this move, and to end this Friday post on a positive, I'll start with the bitter:

Leaving "the" room. Again. It has now happened twice - a room that was meant to be a nursery has been left never realizing it's potentional. In our first home, it was never filled because we never felt ready; our plans didn't match God's plan and we'd even started to think maybe it wasn't in God's plan for us. In both homes, there was a room for children. In our first home, it was "someday". In the home we just left, this space was the final piece of the puzzle to feeling ready - our marriage was so much stronger, our finances were stable, and we finally had physical room. In fact, we started TTC in the days just before moving in. Never, not even as IF became evident, as I had surgery, and as we realized this is very likely a long road did I consider leaving that house without filling the room with a baby and their stuff. In the new house, there is a room that is being turned into an office and a room that is a guest room. Deep down, somewhere I'm honest with myself, I know what room I would put a baby in, but out loud and in my organizing it can't be. It just can't.

This was the only thing that was hard about this move. And yet, for a few moments of packing it was the only thing that mattered. The only thing I could focus on. The room I had to go back in just one last time to face reality.

And the sweet? Because there is lots of sweet! And while it can't remove the bitter completely, it does make it tolerable:

~There is a fenced in yard. My pups have already made it their own and love to spend hours outside chasing, playing, chewing, pulling sticks out of the fire pit, and watching the neighborhood.

~I am less than 2 blocks from Sara.

~No. more. carpeting! I've been dreaming of hardwood floors since I had to decide on carpet in our first home. (And on this topic - those of you with hardwood floors, any tips?)

~No more bats. (Seriously, the bat situation was waaaaaaay worse than The Man let on until after we had moved. He is a smart one that man, he knew I'd freak out and want to move out immediately if I'd known the reality. Poor guy was a bit traumatized when he cleaned out the attic - but assures me that never having to go back in there again makes it all OK. Just a side: we only ever saw bats 2x, they were contained to the attic except those 2x the door to the attic wasn't shut all of the way. While 2x is 2x too many, I am grateful.)

~All of our bedroom furniture actually fits in our bedroom. And a queen-size box spring fits up the stairs, so we can actually have a real bed again, not just a mattress on a floor.

~Closet space. Both our old house and our new house are old houses (which I love), but the new one actually has modern-sized closets! There's even a walk-in closet in the office that The Man graciously offered to me :)!

~A not-creepy basement. (Creepy basements don't necessarily freak me out - I didn't mind our old one, but a not-creepy baseemnt is much more user-friendly :).)

~A laundry shoot chute! I'm so excited I'm gonna say it again: A laundry shoot chute!!!!

I've been trying to read on my phone (we just got internet back yesterday plus I was out of town half this week) and keep up with you. I'm way too behind in commenting, but please know I've been praying for you all.

Have a great weekend!

7.11.2012

Prayers and Encouragement Please

In this blogging world, especially the community within it of IFers, we dream of BFPs and babies and phone calls. We see the power of prayer over and over again as we lift one another up and witness miracles on an almost daily basis.

But sometimes the excitement and joy of the BFP turns to fear and sadness.

As faithful women, we know that out of the fear and sadness somehow, someway comes faith, hope and love.

Back during Advent when I participated in Prayer Buddies for the first time, I prayed for RMB at In her Footsteps. Now, she is pregnant with a sweet daughter - Marie, a sister for her son, and has received a poor prenatal diagnosis of Trisomy 18. They do not know if they will get to meet sweet Marie outside of the womb and if they do, for how long they will have her.

So, if I could ask you all to please go visit RMB. Share your prayers, your love, and your encouragement. This is what we do.

7.01.2012

Moving

When we do things around here, we do them BIG.

We are moving! (Don't panic, only about a mile from where we live now.)

We are moving in 6 days.

Yep, next Saturday we are spending the day with friends with trucks and muscles and moving right on across town.

It's a long story why it happened so fast.

I'll write about it when I have time.

Right now?

Boxes to fill.

Lots. of. boxes.

Your prayers for efficiency and peace between The Man and me (since this situation is full of potential for bickering) will be appreciated!

OMG! We are moving in 6 days!!!!