So, that explains it. A bit.
I started to just brush it off and blame it all on CD1, until I thought about the fact I've been feeling like this for a couple of weeks, so it couldn't just be CD1. So, I've made a few changes and I think this will help. I'm going to share them here, because I know the idea of changing up how I list the blogs came from TCIE's explanation long ago of why blogs are listed on her site the way they are, so maybe what I'm doing will help one of you too.
First, I have to say thank-you for all of your sweet, kind, loving comments on my last post. I really wouldn't have been surprised if you'd all just decided I was mean and you didn't need my negativity in your life. So, thank-you for loving me even when I was being, well, grouchy.
Second, I had already contacted Kelsey about doing a tiny bit of a tweak to the blog layout, so it was a good time to sit down and really think about what this here blog is for and why I come here in the first place. So, if you happen to be reading this in a reader or on your phone, please visit the full site and check out the new header - the only really obvious change. Once again, Kelsey did an awesome job! The cross and quote in the picture are a gift from my friend Kate, the cross was handmade by her. I still haven't been able to tell her in person how much it meant to me, but I've emailed and I hope it's presence front and center here is further proof of my gratitude. That quote - wow. Just. wow.
Third, I did take the time to go through my blog list and make two categories of blogs. I think I'd been putting it off because somehow my
Fourth, I organized my Google Reader into folders - very similar to the categories on the sidebar here. This way, I won't miss any good news or sweet pictures, but at the same time I can choose to look at them when I'm up to it and not end up feeling less than charitable towards people I love when I'm not.
Fifth, as sad as I am to say this, Thankful Thursday will not necessarily be every single week. I started it out of a desire to help keep myself focused on the positive things in my life, to regain my positive outlook. But, sadly, as I'm posting it now I find myself thinking horrible things like "hmmm, someday it would be really nice to say I'm grateful for a BFP, but that won't happen." and also little negative things about all of the positive things I list (see last week's snarky comment about wishing my body would work for evidence of this.) While I firmly believe an attitude of gratitude is extremely important, I also realize that I can't force it. So, please don't stop your awesome Thankful Thursday posts if you feel like you want to keep doing them every week...and I promise not to stop doing them all together, I just need to remove the pressure of having to do it every single week.
And last, I think I need to stretch myself. I have so many half-started posts both in my drafts and in my head that talk in more depth about faith and my faith experiences with IF. I think I need to work on them and get them out. I need to go down this path of asking why? Of being willing to accept I will probably never get an answer in this life. And of facing what that means for moving forward. This also includes some frank posts about what comes next for The Man and me on this road - what is the next route we take and when do we stop?
Thank-you for being here. For praying for us. And for being patient with me as I figure out what this all looks like.