This past weekend (long weekend really, it all started on Thursday and ended today) was amazing.
13 engaged couples attended their Preparing for Christian Marriage retreat; and 2 signed up for NFP classes with The Man and me!
4 couples were trained and certified as NFP Teachers (with some directed teaching to come)
Much time was spent with dear friends Joe and Cinda.
A baby Moonhead was born!!!
And, even though it happened earlier in the week, Isaiah brought home sweet Caleb!!!
It's been a beautiful, marriage-enriching, life-affirming week.
Yep. I'm sure you guessed it. AF arrived on Saturday morning. The perfect end to IF Awareness Week.
I had to bury the emotions way down deep this time - there was no time for really letting in what this means during the days: I had to be focused on the 18 other couples who needed me present and willing to share our NFP witness; willing to speak about our IF journey and able to do so without losing it; able to stay focused on the plethora of information being presented to me. And at night, I was frankly too tired to care about anything - a small blessing, I'm sure.
Oh yea, The Man and I taught NFP Class #3 tonight too - you know the one that talks about breastfeeding, the miracle of children, and the pain of infertility. Yep.
And now, as I sit here, tired and contemplating going to bed, I can feel the emotions boiling and rising to the surface. I can feel the pit in my stomach becoming a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. It's time for the next step. The next phone call. The next appointment to be made. No, the actual appointment won't be for a few months, but it's time to make the call.
I know there are graces in this cross. I know my prayer for grace has been answered. But right now, tonight when it's all boiling over I hate it all. I'm selfish and weak and I want my turn. I don't want to call the doctor; I don't want to ask if my recurrent UTIs have anything to do with the IF; I don't want to start checking my thyroid and my vitamin D; I don't want to track my ovulation with ultrasounds. I want to make love with The Man and get pregnant and have a baby. Who knew that was such a large request?
I want to have all of this weekend without an "except" at the end.