Today should be P + 12, but instead it is CD1.
I'm not surprised. It still hurts, but really, it probably shouldn't. Oh, hope, you are a cruel temptress.
Truthfully, it's been a rough month.
Because of my work schedule and general life & marriage stresses, we were only able to use one "good" day, and it wasn't a "best" day, so I didn't really have high hopes for this month Though the hope is always there isn't it? I mean really, people get pregnant on less-than-perfect-days all the time right? Oh yea, they are fertile-mertiles, not IFers.
Then, combined with my piss-poor attitude about only using one "good" day and the whole "no BB and no headaches" last month, I kinda decided that I wanted to see if removing the endo from my ovaries would help with progesterone production and didn't take my P+3 - 12 prometrium this month either.
Still no brown bleeding, but an 11-day luteal phase is exactly what I did before surgery, so obviously that progesterone support is still needed. *sigh*
So yea. It's CD1. I'm not surprised. And yet, somehow a little tiny piece of me died again with the sight of the red on the toilet paper this morning.
I wish I had some sort of beautiful, Lenten reflection to go with this depressing update. I don't.
I feel the anger coming back. And if it weren't for a good conversation with The Man on Sunday night in which we worked out some stresses we'd both been having, I'm pretty sure I'd be in a much worse state than I am. So I am grateful for that.
I'm ready for Holy Week. I'm ready for the dark and sadness of Good Friday. And I sure hope that I find some joy on Easter. There is that whole resurrection thing to look forward to, right?