I think it was a good thing that my surgery got scheduled so quickly, because I've been so busy that I've barely had time to stress out too much about it and now it's tomorrow and we are on our way to Harrisburg for all of my pre-op appointments.
The few times I've had to stop and think about the surgery, I find myself feeling a little panicky about the surgery itself. I know that it's really not a major surgery, but since this is my first experience with any type of anesthesia I am nervous about that. My control freak self is in full-out mode worrying about it all.
I did buy myself a new pair of sweatpants to wear though. Of course they are WVU.
But when I consider the surgery, what I'm most hopeful for is hope. So far, nothing they've found has been the "ah-ha! that's IT". A very mild case of PCOS, some insulin resistance, low progesterone and some slightly low morphology for The Man. But nothing that says "yep, this is why it's taken 19 cycles and still no pregnancy." While I know that the combination of these factors may be the "ah-ha!" it just doesn't seem that we have the answer yet. And no one has yet said this either. (Maybe they don't ever?)
So for tomorrow, I'm hoping for hope. The kind of hope that will come from Dr. S. saying that everything does look good and that the meds I am on just need some more time to work. But, honestly? I'm scared. Down in that part of my stomach where worry resides and is usually proven to be true, I'm worried. That there is more to this puzzle.
I'm afraid to have actual hope that we will get purely good news. All I can do at this point is to hope for hope.