*This is long. It is the perfect example of this IF roller coaster. I started writing it feeling one way and, well, you'll see...
Two rounds of blood tests. Pre and post peak. All normal. Right down the middle normal.
(And a few more I'm forgetting.)
What's not normal?
Having a se.men analysis done - and having to explain how we want to get the sample.
Having to decide when/if to do an HSG.
Wondering just how much the HSG will cost. And how we will pay for it.
Sitting in the parking lot of the doctor's office for 15 minutes crying.
Waiting to hear back from a Creighton Instructor for a couple of weeks.
I'm getting really scared.
Not so much of the not-having-a-baby part. I'm just sad about that part.
I'm scared that we've now crossed the line of what my midwife (who I love) is able to help us with. That we are now into the world of REs. And specialists. And doctors who we've never met. And doctors who've never heard of NaPro.
I feel so isolated. Again.
Admittedly, part of it is my own doing. I'm choosing not to go with one of the Creighton Teachers here in WV (there are 4) because of my new job. I need to keep my professional and personal lives separate.
**At this point, my phone rang. It was the Creighton Instructor I was waiting to hear back from.**
I'm still scared. But I don't feel quite so alone. I feel like the feeling of being at a dead end this morning is gone thanks to an unexpected alley.
Before this call, this was one of my hardest days on this IF journey so far. And now? It is one of the days I have felt the most hope. No, I don't have any more answers than I did this morning. But I do have a plan. Or at least the beginnings of one.
I honestly didn't know that I could have kept up all that I was thinking in my head before this phone call. And God Bless E., as I completely broke down while talking to her, she shared her story and provided just one more glimmer of hope. One more example of how God can work miracles.
So, instead of facing a world of REs, doctors, and specialists who know nothing about NaPro, we are jumping in with both feet to the NaPro world. And instead of feeling completely overwhelmed and more scared than I was even willing to truly admit, I feel ready. Yes, I'm still scared. Yes, I will still pray that I never have to set foot inside a NaPro doctors office. But, I am ready for the road that is laid out for us. Even though I can't see every twist and turn and detour, I'm ready.