And, as I read Sarah's post especially, I felt my familiar feelings of anger about not being given information about NFP before last year. And really, I was never given the information, I sought it out and I found it.
And I found myself struggling to not succumb to the anger and the feelings of 'it's not fair' and 'it's not right.' Because on one hand, those feelings are completely counter productive. I can choose to be upset and angry that I never had the information until recently. I can blame myself for not taking a more proactive role in learning about my body. I can blame my parents for not taking the time to teach me or share resources with me. I can blame my parish for not requiring NFP information prior to getting married. I can blame our Sponsor Couple for not sharing the information.
OR, I can be grateful to know what I know now. I can be grateful for this community that has time and time again shown me I'm not alone and it wasn't 'just me'. I can be grateful for a diocese who is sponsoring our trip to become NFP Instructors and who wants to help us spread the word.
OR, I can get angry again. I can get angry at the medical community for not sharing this information. That there is a BETTER way than birth control. A healthier, more reliable, safer way. I can get angry at Catholic Churches for not standing up and SHOUTING that there is a BETTER way - a better way to respond to our fertility, a better way to respond when a woman finds herself pregnant without planning it, a better way to so many things. I can get angry at parents for not taking the time to educate themselves AND their children.
OR I can tell myself 'Rome wasn't built in a day'. I can tell myself that I'm doing my part. I can tell myself that the information is out there if only people would look for it.
Finding balance is so hard. And finding the right way to keep balance is so hard.
As much as I would like to think that anyone who was shown the proof that NFP works to prevent pregnancy would use it, I know for a fact that they all wouldn't. As obvious as it seems to me now, I'm not sure it would've seemed so obvious to me 10 or 15 years ago. I know it wouldn't have. I wasn't raised with Theology of the Body. I wasn't even raised with a good understanding of the Catholic Faith. The foundations were there, but it wasn't until adulthood that I searched out the whys, hows, and whats for myself.
So what about other adults who have no foundation? Will some learn and change their minds? Yes, will everyone? No. So where is the balance between anger and doing what I can? Where is the line between living what I believe and preaching it? Between sharing what I know and forcing my thoughts on others?
Between using my free will for good and taking the free will of others?
What will be the ultimate effect of defunding Planned Parenthood? Only time will tell.
For now, I am praying hard for balance. Balance between being just outraged enough to do something and paralyzed with anger.