Some days, or even some moments in some days, I start to feel very overwhelmed with our current situation. Like maybe we have taken two steps back instead of moving forward.
Three years ago, we were home owners. We had 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a 1/4 acre yard for Kali to run and play in. We owned two cars, vacationed for free as incentives from my Party.Lite business, and pretty much did and had what we wanted. I commuted 90 minutes one way to a job that I loved. The Man had a job, but it wasn't growing.
Fast forward to today. We rent a one-bedroom apartment. We just sold one of our cars, so we have only one. Kali spends most of her time indoors. We haven't been on a vacation since before we moved and we have very little money to do many extras. WVU Football is our exception.
There are moments that feel very much like we have taken two (hundred?) steps back.
If you look at the outside of our life, you would agree.
But in those moments when I feel like we are going background, I have been blessed with the Grace to see the progress.
Yes, we live in a small apartment. But we spend more time together and have learned to be considerate of one another's space and preferences.
Yes, we now have only one car. But we are learning to communicate in a new way as we ensure we each get where we need and want to go.
Yes, we filed for bankruptcy. But we no longer feel suffocated by an extreme amount of debt. We are not proud of how we got out from under it, but we have learned and will not make the same mistakes again. (And we will suffer the consequences of it for years to come.)
But then, there are there other changes.
We attend Mass every Sunday. Together.
We have learned that we both meant it when we said this marriage is forever. There is nothing quite like financial stress to test a marriage.
We practice NFP and are open to life with an understanding we could never have imagined. (There's nothing quite like 4 months of abstinence to test a marriage either).
The Man works for an amazing company that continually reminds us that we made the right decision in 'putting all of our eggs in their basket' so to speak.
We laugh often. And sincerely.
I'm always in a hurry. I talk fast. I eat fast. I drive fast. I prefer the shortest distance between two points. If I am not moving fast, I feel as if I'm moving backwards. I do not chose the scenic route.
But, there are moments of clarity. Moments, when I am able to see clearly these other changes, that I realize it is not that we have taken two steps back. Rather, God has guided us down the scenic route as we inch forward.
I did not map this route out for us 6 years ago. But God's Grace has shown me that it is beautiful.