Two Steps Back?

Some days, or even some moments in some days, I start to feel very overwhelmed with our current situation.  Like maybe we have taken two steps back instead of moving forward.

Three years ago, we were home owners.  We had 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a 1/4 acre yard for Kali to run and play in.  We owned two cars, vacationed for free as incentives from my Party.Lite business, and pretty much did and had what we wanted.  I commuted 90 minutes one way to a job that I loved.  The Man had a job, but it wasn't growing.

Fast forward to today.  We rent a one-bedroom apartment.  We just sold one of our cars, so we have only one.  Kali spends most of her time indoors.  We haven't been on a vacation since before we moved and we have very little money to do many extras.  WVU Football is our exception.

There are moments that feel very much like we have taken two (hundred?) steps back.

If you look at the outside of our life, you would agree.

But in those moments when I feel like we are going background, I have been blessed with the Grace to see the progress.

Yes, we live in a small apartment.  But we spend more time together and have learned to be considerate of one another's space and preferences.

Yes, we now have only one car.  But we are learning to communicate in a new way as we ensure we each get where we need and want to go.

Yes, we filed for bankruptcy.  But we no longer feel suffocated by an extreme amount of debt.  We are not proud of how we got out from under it, but we have learned and will not make the same mistakes again.  (And we will suffer the consequences of it for years to come.)

But then, there are there other changes.

We attend Mass every Sunday.  Together.

We have learned that we both meant it when we said this marriage is forever.  There is nothing quite like financial stress to test a marriage.

We practice NFP and are open to life with an understanding we could never have imagined.  (There's nothing quite like 4 months of abstinence to test a marriage either).

The Man works for an amazing company that continually reminds us that we made the right decision in 'putting all of our eggs in their basket' so to speak.

We laugh often.  And sincerely.

I'm always in a hurry.  I talk fast.  I eat fast.  I drive fast.  I prefer the shortest distance between two points.  If I am not moving fast, I feel as if I'm moving backwards.  I do not chose the scenic route.

But, there are moments of clarity.  Moments, when I am able to see clearly these other changes, that I realize it is not that we have taken two steps back.  Rather, God has guided us down the scenic route as we inch forward.

I did not map this route out for us 6 years ago.  But God's Grace has shown me that it is beautiful.


  1. I hear you loud and clear! Sometimes i feel like we've moved backward, too. But I know in the end, becoming debt-free will be an amazing feeling. I can't tell you how many times I have wondered if bandruptcy is the way for us. I don't think it is at this point...but I do so wish I could figure out a way to rent a house big enough for our family and get out from under this house. :(

    I'm so glad God has given you the Grace to wander down this path. And I'm really glad that we've met along the way. (well...online anyway) :)

  2. Thank you. Your attitude is great, and I need the reminder to be thankful even when life doesn't go quite as planned.

  3. Beautiful reflection! :) God is obviously giving you so many graces for the sacrifices you have made in righting the ship!

  4. This is wonderful, friend. So thankful for eyes to see His grace. He's given you beautiful eyes. :) He won't lead us where He won't care for us.

  5. I agree with everyone else. This is beautiful and you have a wonderful attitude.

  6. This is very beautiful to read! It made me smile. :)

  7. I don't know what it's like there, but here it is very difficult to not look around and see what you DON'T have. There is always someone with more...doing something better...taking a better vacation...etc.

    But you have to focus on the things that really matter, and stuff, money, etc., just isn't on that list. You are going in the right direction...and the scenic route is a good one. :)

  8. While the online community provides so many negative vices, it's posts like these in moments like this (for me) that make it so wonderful. You stated it clearly - financial stress tests a marriage. To its very, very core.

    I needed to read your words today to truly appreciate the strength from my husband that I do not give him credit for. While I let myself get out of control with stress, worry, and anger, he feels BAD. It's not all his fault, but he feels bad that I am hurting so much from trying to figure out which direction we should go with each and every paycheck. He reminds me that we're OKAY. WE. Are okay. We.

    I have to keep stating that. I have to keep reminding myself so that I don't give up and think we could do it better alone. Between money, jobs, family obligations, and day to day survival of sanity....patience and trust in whatever it is that gets you through (God, spouse, love, children, etc) is what we need to focus on.

    Breathe in, breathe out. We will survive.

  9. I enjoyed this post, Rebecca. It's good to recognize the good things we have and to be thankful.

  10. Bankruptcy isn’t a good thing to go through. It can be very stressful and tasking, and people who don’t understand will think that you’re completely broke. It’s important to keep your head up and keep on working through the issues. I’m glad that you as a family are being very supportive of each other. I hope that you’ve recovered by now somehow, and that you won’t have to file for bankruptcy again.

  11. Sometimes, filing for bankruptcy can be the best solution you could have in your hands. It sounds awful, but this is one thing that you really need to do if you have no other options left. Well, it isn’t bad as what others think of it. There are times that this solution gives chance for people to start anew and become more responsible in finances and in life.