4.22.2010

Happy Birthday, Pap

He would have been 85 today; we would have celebrated; we would have had a cake that said "Happy Birthday Becky and Pap"; we would have blown out our candles together.

I consider myself a positive person - sometimes too positive.  When my Pap died, I understood that he'd suffered on this earth and was in a better place.  I understood he would always be with me and that someday I'd see him again soon.

I pause on the anniversary of his passing every year.  And birthdays are always just a little bittersweet, knowing that he isn't here to share it with me.  Holidays and family gatherings always bring stories of the past.  But I don't dwell, and I often smile, choosing to remember the good rather than focus on what I'm missing.

But this year, this day, is making my heart heavy.  This year, seeing the beautiful cake from The Man say only "Happy Birthday Rebecca" made me just a little bit sad.

Ten years ago, when we celebrated 21 and 75, it never entered my mind for a second that he might not be here for 85.

And today, I am missing him.

5 comments:

  1. Crying for you today. Smiling for your memories. Aching for your loss.

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  2. I'm sending a cyber-hug your way. How blessed you are to have had someone like him in your like that you miss that much.

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  3. Happy Birthday! I hope that your day is filled with joy and hope, along with your sorrow.

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  4. Hugs!!! Some days hit us harder than others, I don't know why. But your sadness just goes to show how much you loved him.

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  5. And that's okay. To take a moment, a sober moment, and feel a bit sad. It's always in our gut to "fix" but sometimes we need to just let those feelings be, for a bit.

    I do hope that you were able to reflect, feel, and then enjoy your birthday day and cake. I'm sorry I'm late to the wishing party, but I truly hope you had a wonderful weekend.

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