11.20.2009

November 1987

Mid-November, and the weather must have been unseasonably warm that Saturday morning.

My brother, M, and I begging to go outdoors.

Mom and Dad said, 'no, wait awhile.'

I complained, wondered what was so important that we couldn't go outside and greet our friends.

We sat down at the table.

We needed to talk.

The result of that talk?

A divorce.

Mom and Dad were getting divorced.

Our family was getting divorced.

I was 8.  I ran from the room.

M was 6.  I think he asked some questions.

Thanksgiving took on a whole new meaning in my life.

Mom, M, and I went to Nan and Pap's for Thanksgiving.

Dad moved out.

We came home.

Dad didn't live with us anymore.

There was no back and forth.

No maybe we'll get back togethers.

March 1998, the divorce was finalized in court.

But it was really November 1987 that divorce was finalized in our reality.

This November, I am thankful.

Not for divorce.

For Mom who raised us 11 1/2 of every 14 days.

For Dad who made weekends all about us.

For Mom who worked and went to school to better our life.

For Dad who made every sporting event/concert on the calendar.

For Stepparents who have only added to our lives.

For Grandparents and friends who helped out.

For a brother, T, I would not have otherwise.

For The Man, who could not understand, but realized how serious I was when I said 'Divorce is not an option for me.  I've already lived through one.'

For The Man who I lay beside each night, knowing that we choose marriage. Every. Day. Forever.

This November, I am thankful.

Just not for divorce.

8 comments:

  1. Girl... I have been sitting here bawling through this and your last post. Beautiful. Thoughtful. Touching. True. I have never had experience with divorce, so I can't relate, but you spoke so well of both your parents and of your choice for forever. I admire you.

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  2. My parents divorce when I was three years old . When I use to go round to friends houses and see both parents living under the same roof I use to think it strange .

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  3. Rebecca, you and I were the same age when divorce happened. I was 8, too. I could relate with you on that. Isn't it amazing how the experience marks us for life? I will never forget the day my parents told us the divorce was happening...

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  4. Beautifully written! My parents separated when I was 6 wks old and my dad remarried about 7 months later. Very long story... I've been divorced too and it is not a pleasant experience ~ whether you want it or not. There can be good things and additional good people as a result and I guess that's what is important to focus on.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you!

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  5. underthepaw - I used to think the same thing (in fact sometimes, I still think it's strange that The Man's parents live in the same house)

    Michelle - It is amazing how it marks our lives. Until the last few months, I really didn't think it was that 'big of a deal' - but I've come to realize it was.

    Pat - no, it's never pleasant, and you are right, choosing to focus on the good is the only way to make it somewhat better.

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  6. I was four when my parents split, and I have very few memories of my parents together. My dad remarried and we did the blended family thing on the weekends with our new stepsiblings, but I truly feel that no one can understand it unless you've been through it.

    Which is exactly why, when I met Justin and learned that his parents were divorced and dad remarried with three stepkids, I knew he would understand why divorce wasn't an option for me. Why I wanted so badly to make it work and that I would never threaten it or bring it up. And honestly, I just needed someone who understood how crazy my family was and was willing to work with that. So now we have four families to visit for holidays, but we're comfortable with it. Our wedding program and seating chart was complicated, but we could handle it. And it does make you appreciate your own strong, healthy marriage and commitment to keep it that way :)

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  7. Such a touching entry. I'm glad positive things happened for you and I know how much you love both sets of parents. I'm also glad you're determined to have a permanent relationship with my son. He loves you very much as I'm sure he tells you.

    Thankful for all my family,
    Joyce

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  8. Lauren - I know what you mean about crazy holidays and seating charts. While The Man didn't get it at first, he's so patient and understanding of dealing with my two families.

    Joyce - he does tell me, every day - thank-you for raising such a great man!

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