8.12.2009

Courage, Revisited


Just a few days ago, I came across and posted this quote:

Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying…
"I will try again tomorrow."
~Mary Anne Radmacher

It spoke so deeply to me, yet the words, they just wouldn't come. So, I posted the quote and left it at that.

But, inside I was taken back to how I felt when I wrote this post about God going before me; about praising in a storm; about His Voice being Truth. How some days it took all of my energy to just put my two feet on the floor and get out of bed. How some days, I didn't couldn't. How as I'd close my eyes at night and search my day for things to be grateful for, sometimes it was hard. So. hard. How I promised myself 'I'll try again tomorrow.' How I felt weak. so. very. weak.

Each morning, I'd pray for strength and courage to face the day. I'd remind myself of the quote "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather doing what is necessary in the face of fear." But I was struggling to do what was necessary. My prayer to try again the next day just reminded me of my failures of the current day. It felt like desperation. It felt like an excuse. It certainly did not feel like courage.

And then I came across the quote above. And a process of healing that had already begun was moved along exponentially. And a process of forgiving myself began. A shift in thinking and praying happened. Now instead of praying out of desperation to 'please, be able to, maybe, try again tomorrow,' I pray a prayer of praise for the opportunity to try again tomorrow. Instead of feeling weak, I am able to remind myself that for now, my courage is not roaring. It's barely even meowing. But. It. Is. There. It's a quiet whisper that says, "I will try again tomorrow." It's a quiet whisper that says, "Do what is necessary in the face of this fear." It's a quiet whisper that says, "Trust in God, He goes before you."

So why now? Why did the words come? Was it a coincidence? I think not. I think His timing is perfect.

One of my favorite blogs (and one of the first I ever followed) is I'm sure well-known to many of you - Bring the Rain. Angie posted about a new blog that was starting this week. A new blog that she would be contributing to. A new blog, called (in)courage. I linked over to check it out and in addition to loving what I was seeing, I also say that as a part of this new blog, they've asked readers to write about courage and what encourages them. And then, the words came.

Before the last few months of my life - before finding the quote above - courage to me would have roared. Soldiers who fight for freedom. Americans who fought back on Flight 93. First Responders. Survivors of cancer and other diseases. Victims of domestic violence. The list could go on forever.

Now, courage is all that roaring and more. It also whispers. Sometimes it cries. Sometimes it sits quietly on a porch with a bible in a lap watching the trees. Courage is what is necessary in the face of fear. And sometimes, whispering is what's necessary.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you. This just made me cry. I've been hurting a lot the past few years and have been struggling to remember who I am and how I can continue to be that person in the face of adversity. I used to be more of a warrior. Now I'm needing to find courage and faith again.

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