I have. I did. Today.
I've had what I'll call 'God moments' before, when I could feel His presence, but there was just something about this morning. Something different.
Side note: My journey and thoughts on Faith/Religion are for one of my 'Can of Worms' post. Today's experience is just something I want to share.
I want to share it because I don't want to forget it. Ever. I want to share it because it was one of the most profound experiences I've had in my life.
I would have stayed in our church sanctuary all day if I could have. I didn't want to leave God's presence.
The short background is that I've been in the midst of a struggle. I am not ready to share extensively on this struggle, just know it's not been easy. I've found myself clinging to my husband, knowing I can gather strength through him. I've found myself returning to Angie's posts about drawing closer to God. I've found myself listening to, "Praise You in this Storm", the 3rd song on the above playlist, trying to figure out how to praise God in this storm.
Then, I found myself in church this morning, like every other Sunday morning. But today, we listened about Job's trials; about the disciples waking Jesus to save them during the storm on the Sea of Galilee. Then our priest spoke about having faith in the midst of storms; about trusting God, trusting Jesus to guide us through. It was as if he was speaking to me. Directly.
But then, I knew it was Someone else speaking directly to me. Our meditation music during the collection was one of my favorite songs, that I've also been listening to, "Voice of Truth", the 1st song on the above playlist (and if you know anything about Catholic Churches, you know that a Contemporary Christian song is not something you hear in church every week). It was during this, that I knew that God was sitting with me. He was telling me that He is The Voice of Truth and that I can have the kind of faith it takes to weather this storm.
Tears. Of sadness. Of praise. Of gratitude. Of so much gratitude. Rolled down my cheeks.
But it wasn't over. As we prepared for communion, and I turned to our hymn, I smiled. "Be Not Afraid", the 2nd song on the above playlist, was one of the songs at my Pap's funeral, how appropriate to sing it today, Father's Day. But as we sang the refrain, I heard Him again.
Be not afraid.
I go before you always.
Come follow me,
and I will give you rest.
It was then that I realized, God goes before me. He came before me and showed me Himself through the scripture, homily, and music today. He knew that I've felt like breaking; felt on the verge of depression; felt so helpless; and He came before me, and said 'Be not Afraid.'
However long this storm rages, I will praise Him. I know it is for His glory. I know He will give me rest. And I know that He is with me. All I have to do is continue to follow Him.