I would like to apologize for my poor hospitality when you come to deliver PartyLite boxes to our house. I am
a bit very territorial and feel that it is my responsibility to guard my house and everything inside it.
To be fair, I do warn you. As soon as I hear your big brown truck pull up, I head straight to the window and begin a low, rumbling growl. When I see you turn the corner down the walk, my front paws go on the window sill and the barking, growling, and snarling begins. The closer you get - the louder and more fiercely I bark, growl, and snarl.
As you place the box on the porch and knock on the door, my 'greeting' reaches the peak of nasty. And guess what? You leave. Every. Time.
Sadly for you, Mr. UPS Man, you are one of the most rewarding things in my life. You see, as hard as my people try to explain it, I just don't understand that the boxes you bring aren't intended to take all of the stuff from my home and that you aren't here to hurt my people. I don't understand that you never intend to stay; that my barking, growling, and snarling has absolutely no impact on your decision to leave whatsoever; that you're going to come back at least once a week.
Please accept this letter as my attempt at an explanation and apology for my poor behavior (I know it embarrases my people lots) and at the same time, please understand that my behavior is unlikely to change.
PS The mailman gets a much nicer reception. Maybe it's because he brings me biscuits fit for a dog twice my size.
*I'm not being sexist, our UPS Man (present and past) is a man.